Core Insight
You think you can't change yourself but can change others. The truth is the opposite. Others only change through trauma, their own insights, and their own timeline — never the way you want.
"Telling someone to change is the fastest way to alienate them."
Learning and Change
Praise is the most effective tool. "When someone does something right, praise them. Don't criticize or be negative." Criticism is instinctive; praise requires conscious effort.
Relationships and Love
Love the person as they are now, not their potential. If you describe a partner through resume items (Harvard grad, ballerina), you don't know who they really are. Better: "I trust him," "Her energy is wonderful," "His soul is good."
Decision Principles
- If the decision is hard, the answer is no.
- If two options are equal, choose the one with more short-term pain (your brain overweights short-term discomfort).
- Choose what brings more long-term peace of mind.
Three Most Important Decisions
- Who you're with
- What you do
- Where you live
"People choose their city too casually. Weather, quality of life, activities, lifespan — your city determines everything."
On Happiness
"The secret to a happy relationship is two happy people. Don't think you can make an unhappy person happy."
Values
"Values are the set of things you won't compromise on." Align on real values (caring for aging parents, giving money to children, political engagement) — not checklist items.