Q. "I originally wanted to become an exercise coach, so I tried coaching friends around me. When I think about self-understanding and self-change as two separate dimensions, self-understanding does not necessarily guarantee self-change. I have seen several cases where I gave someone my observations, clearly showed them, 'You can perform at this level, and you need to work at this level to improve,' and kept confirming that the range was safe but painful, yet it still did not lead to change. After turning things into data, creating self-change feels like a separate problem from understanding. What conditions do you think are needed for self-understanding to lead to better performance?"
A. "Can you change another person? I don't think I can."
"You have to turn it into their game. The more you force it and spoon-feed them something because it is 'good,' the more a defense mechanism seems to form. I think the chance of failure goes up. You have to understand what kind of thing captures that person, then shape it into a game they chose. Because it is a game they chose, they can start thinking, 'When I take this action, this kind of reward happens in the system. That's interesting. This feels worth trying.' I think that is the manager's role. You are not changing them."
"When it really seems impossible, I think about just one thing. Today, I only plant one seed. I do not know whether that seed will sprout right away or a year later. But because I planted it, when that person later enters a crisis, they can think, 'There was that thing back then,' and use it. If it does not work, it does not work. The best way to change another person is simply to change myself. I can only change myself."
"For people working inside companies, please do not interact merely as an element inside a system someone else created. Now that AI is here, come out and build systems. If I am a team lead, not the CEO, there is no way to move someone who has decided not to listen. But if I am the CEO and I am creating the organization as a system, I can absolutely find a way to get work done. That is a very critical difference."
"I think each person has their current cost function and objective function. If you understand that, you can draw a win-win. If what I am trying to reinforce differs from what the other person is reinforcing, it will probably become something very hard. If those things match, it can become easier. That is alignment, I suppose."